seven a.m. The roofers arrive and begin work, air compressor lurching on and off, hammers and ladders banging.
eight a.m. Bartok plays on the radio, the accompaniment of the roofers strangely appropriate.
noon. Cicadas buzz high up on leafy branches.
three p.m. The yells and shrieks of children at play are heard through the hot afternoon air
six p.m. As the sun relents, people gather on porches, shouting greetings to passing friends.
eight p.m. A rap beat pulses out of a car as it saunters down the street.
eleven p.m. Friends gather on the neighbor's porch in the cooler night. Conversation and music drift down the street.
five a.m. Dawn. Silence.
And then - a cardinal begins his song, ringing in the stillness, joyfully welcoming a new day.
I can't get the rhythm of this one right. Do you think I should try to rhyme it?
ReplyDeleteI don't know...I kind of like it without the end rhyme. What might actually be interesting to try is to get some internal rhyme going (you know, where you rhyme words within the line instead of at the end, particularly on key words you want to highlight). This would add a bit more of a metered rhythm, but without the 'sing-song' sound that can *sometimes* result with end rhyme. I think because you're focusing so much on the sounds and noises of the day that an end rhyme might take away from that casual, 'this is how I hear it' demeanor of this poem.
ReplyDeleteAnd I should say - I like the poem very much! I feel like I'm there.
I like it very much, Bethany. ;)
ReplyDelete